ive gotten so comfortable in the void it scares me.

i really dont live a life. i clean for a few hours a day, i stream on twitch rambling to myself for a few more hours, then i dissociate from five till midnight.

i dont exist, im a body, not a human, then i fall asleep, and repeat it all again.

though honestly this cycle of not existing for extended periods everyday isnt anything new for me.

but, what scares me is im comfortable. im at peace. im enjoying not existing.

and thats a new feeling.

its kind of funny, im the closest to happy that ive ever been right now. or at least my moods the most concestantly alright its ever been.

but from a outsider perspective im probably the worst ive ever been.

ive heard people say that depression is at its worse when you dont even realize your depressed because youve forgotten what happiness is like.

and i fear thats where im at.

but also its like, im comfortable here, i can live like this.

should i really change?