sometimes i wonder just how lonely i really am.

like, you could make the argument that literally everything i do in my life is in a desperate attempt at human connection.

*everything* i do seems to be in attempt for just, to be remembered, to be known and thought about.

everyone wants to be something beyond themselves right?

when i look back, i dont think ive ever really been in a healthy friendship/relationship.

it feels as though they have all ended in the other person being just, against me having rights or just using me in general.

though maybe its cold, but at this point i kinda think that 95% of people live there lifes thinking only of themselve, and only view others as a way to use them and look better haha,,

but,, im still trying to hold hope in finding that 5%, a group of people who can just, chill, and actually like one another,, someday.

i just want the kind of friendship where you can both sit in silence and just, vibe together yknow?