throughout my whole life there has been this feeling of just? never really fitting in i guess.

like? no one has ever wanted to actually know me, no friend of mine has ever liked all sides of me.

and fair enough, like i understand why people who know me as a highly energetic almost manic people get so confused when they see me depressed, and i get why people stop hanging around me when im a depressed piece of shit, no one wants to be around that. i understand that.

but for once, i wish i could have a relationship/friendship, where i could just, exist. and not have to hide my whole mood and thoughts at times.

i wish i could go from tired to happy and back again without the fear of losing friends over it.

but they always leave.

(hi depths in the future aka 7/1/22 here. just wanted to say hi im not diagnosed with anything and the feelings in this diary entry are more like?? about having a good day and being in a good mood but then getting worn out, like, that kinda mood swing, not like bipolar mood swing.)

(only adding this in here because this entry honestly sounds like its about bipolar and uh, its not, please dont make me the face of disorders i know little about)