lol, hi!! its been a bit! i wanna bring back the website! but uh, somehow its been 3 years.. figure i should reintroduce myself, and maybe explain where i went lol.

so uh, hi! im depths, a 21 year old gay boy failure, i mostly use he/him but whatever you wanna use works as long as your not mean about it obvs, (fuck gender its all meaningless yknow?)

trying to think of how to describe myself, idk, pathetic meow meow stubborn overly honest failure that people somehow find cute? with a strong dash of *stares at you with my big autistic eyes* ? something like that.

so where have i been the past 3 years, yeah. honestly ive just been streaming on twitch i guess, it hasnt really been a exciting 3 years lol... to sum it up quickly, grew a community on twitch, aged into being a more sexual young adult. became over sexualized. banned most of that old community. got a boyfriend. dated for nearly a year, broke up, its chill never really liked him too much, just liked the attention. put all my focus into twitch, grew a large community. then oops a larger streamer put out a google doc about how much of a unfun depressed asshole i am (sorry for having depression i guess lol) and most people left me again. i still stream on twitch, but felt i needed a better place to vent infront of a smaller audience, so now im here!

its funny, the reason i stopped updating the website for 3 years was because i felt the audience was too big. too much attention on my teenage suicidal brain. people kept coming to the streams and being like "haha sweet! another suicidal person! i relate so much to your diary entries" shit like that, and id just be sitting there playing like, minecraft lmao. just, really awkward situations.

but yayyyy, 1. i think its been long enough to where less people are looking at this website. less people = less weirdos?

and 2. i like to think i manage my mental illness shit better now lol, not suicidal! and havent been for a long time... nowadays im just rootless to quote marina lol, that and annoyed at most people in general.

its mildly heartbreaking lol, im a retro streamer on twitch right? and the retro community in general tends to be like 80% 35-45 year old white guys. and chat... its so bad, swear its daily i have to listen to some sexist ramble, or just,, be treated differently for being a gay man. its partly why im kinda okay with being shunned now with the big streamer trying to ig "cancel" me lol.

its weird. its not even that i like these people for the most part. its more so i just want a place to belong.

(shit i meant to finish the entry there but i forgot to talk about plans for the website!!!)

basically idk! i just wanna write shit, that and have a time capsule of what music i was listening to at the time, gonna try and write at least once a week? we'll see. sorry for lack of new art & my own music... im lazy.. writing all this more so for therapy rather then being "content" also! sorry for the amount of shitty vocaloid songs im gonna make you listen to X3