what the fuck its already been a week? weird

ah! feel like im proably in the same space mentally i was in last week, lot of just, not knowing where i fit in, lack of community, kinda, idfk.

i need the gays! ive been spending a lot more time just, interacting with like gay youtubers/twitter accounts ect ect, feels so much more like home, makes me notice how uncomfortable i am around the retro vtuber scene.

i feel like i *fit* in that like, stan twitter bullshit. in the theme park community i grew up in, been really nice getting back into those. but ugh. so much of my interests involve retro gaming.

and like fuck. i gotta build my own community. i have to. its the only way. the community i crave doesnt exist.

i wish there was a space for gay people online to just nerd out about retro game bullshit. but as is. the retro community and its big selling point is like "nostalgia for a simplier time" and that time doesnt include gay people lmfao. sucks!

as such i feel like there is so few of us gay retro streamers. ugh.

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like ive been spending a lot more time on twitter lately as well. moving away from bsky a fair bit. like idfk. bsky is a better platform. it is. but it lacks community. i havent been able to find my people on there. the closest i got is other retro vtubers.

and like idfk. the biggest example i can give towards me just.. not fitting in. is how scrolling the discover page. things bsky thinks i like. a good quarter of it is just boobs lmfao. and good for boobs being online. but like fuck im a gay man lmfao. its not for me! yet being apart of the retro vtuber scene links you to loving big anime boobs lmfao. god what a mess. its just so unpersonal to my taste. my people arent there.

where like, on twitter i actually see like. cock lmfao. i see other gay people. i see actual political shit. on bsky its all boomer comics about how ugly trump is. and like fuck trump. but on twitter its like, actual problems with him. and not just a complaint about a spray tan. actual depth to the complain.

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ugh im so over straight people. so fucking over them. i have zero desire to market myself for a straight audience. fucking over it.

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also forced the situationship onto VRChat last night lmfao. what a fucking mess. kinda loved it. kinda hated it. it had what i imagine 4chan does where like, it was fucking terrible. but god it feels good to not be treated like the most problematic piece of shit like im used to from the retro vtuber community. feels good to have like, true freedom to say literally anything. sad you have to accept racist homophobic bullshit for that freedom.

can we bring back the era of woke? can we bring back the era of letting gay people be problematic? stop this bullshit of forcing gay people to be brand safe in order to be in queer spaces? hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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alright think thats all. sorry if this is a rambly mess with 50 typos. ngl totally wrote all this as word vomit, not thinking or rereading shit. just pure thoughts on a page lmao. sorry!!!!