terribly depressed and whats the point of streaming

lol yeah sorry for lack of updates on here, kinda just drifting! whats even happened in my life thats interesting enough to write about lmao.

i feel like its only recently really clicked, past few months or so, that like, *everyone* on twitch is a outcast of society.

these people online, they arent "normal" going through like, geninuely popular music/movies, its insane how different of a standard they are held to compared to internet bullshit.

something something thoughts about neurodivergent people tending to struggle with black and white thinking.

i feel like every conversation on this platform lacks any amount of nuance, everyone is the sanitary shell of a human to try and remain "good", "pure" ugh. or people are like the worst villain ever lmao.

every topic has to be covered like we're talking to middle schoolers, its so boring, im a adult, we're all adults, cant we handle complex subjects please??

im in a industry that is actively against having any sort of depth lol

.

then theres being a minority, idk, im always trying to somewhat educate myself, been learning about minstrelsy, while obvs its not to the same extent, but as a gay man i feel theres,,, more similaritys then im comfortable with

something about straight people acting gay, using gay stereotypes, then overtime actual gay people filling those roles cuz its better than straight people, but its still based on those same stereotypes.

then something about me being raised on those stereotypical gay roles as its the closest a closeted gay teen in the early 2010s can get to my "culture"

yknow, your told that the "culture" is where you belong, its home, its for you, a place just for you, and its not all bad, but,

i struggle with knowing huge parts of my personality were shaped by people who hated me/us, and how they wanted me/us to act.

i am a twink. i am feminine. in a lot of ways i am the gay stereotype. its just who i am.

however who i am. is exactly the funny haha gay stereotype straight people want.

i kinda struggle with that.

i feel at times that all i do is re enforce harmful stereotypes against my people.

but then its worse for me to change myself and be something im not,, right?